


To Have You As My Own Again

by Anny (CupcakeGirlA)



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:51:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupcakeGirlA/pseuds/Anny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships aren’t easy, like EVER.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Have You As My Own Again

PART 1

The longer Carlisle knew Edward the less he understood himself. After so long as a vampire, so long living alone, he had come to know himself pretty well. The longer he lived, if you could call it living, the better control he had over his emotions, his reactions, his instincts, and his thoughts. But Edward had been a surprise, a wrench in the system that was his rather methodical life. Before Edward he went to work, he tried to atone for the sins he had yet to commit, for his mere existence. He took care of the sick and the dying. He controlled his instinct to feed, to kill, to sin. He had fought with himself for years to conquer the predator inside of him, to shove it into a corner, and keep it tamed. And then he met Edward. 

He was just a boy, there was no getting around that. Carlisle may have been only 23 when he’d been changed, but many years had passed since that fateful night. To his aged mind, 17 seemed impossibly young and naïve. It didn’t matter that Edward was nearly full grown, that by mortal standards Edward was well into manhood. To Carlisle he seemed a mere boy; that was part of what led to his confusion. Edward was a terribly beautiful boy, even before Carlisle had changed him. 

He’s lying in the bed, the sweat of a fever shining on his skin, his face and chest flushed with blood and sickness. He’s wheezing, dying, before Carlisle’s eyes. Edward’s mother’s last desperate plea echoes in Carlisle’s mind. It’s the first time he’s ever been tempted to change one of his patients. He’s given it consideration on occasion, but he’s never really been tempted before. A passing thought, but never the beginnings of a plan, never the weighing of options or pros and cons. Watching Edward toss and turn, caught in a fever induced nightmare, sweating through his clothes, and struggling to breathe is too much for Carlisle to stand. He’s too beautiful to let die, and Carlisle is so lonely. 

It starts out innocently enough. He changes Edward, and it’s the hardest things he’s ever had to do. Carlisle has never tasted human blood before. Years of medical school, even more years taking care of wounded and bleeding humans and he’s never let a drop past his lips. It’s so hard to stop, to not drink him dry, but the woman’s face, her pleading cries, flash through his mind, he sees her, and his own father, hears her begging voice and his commanding one. She asks him to save her son. He condemns the nightwalkers, the monsters he fought to destroy. And Carlisle sees Edward’s face, pale in the moonlight, and so beautiful, and he forces himself to stop. He holds the boy down for the next three days. And when it’s over and done, and Edward blinks up at him with blood red eyes, he knows confusion for the first time in a century. 

He learns to control his thoughts swiftly. Self-control is one of his many talents, and he somehow manages to keep his most guarded thoughts private from Edward, who is having a much more difficult time keeping his own mind from wandering into others heads unheeded. It’s when Edward is distracted most that Carlisle gets to think. Sitting beside him in the opera house, the music singing around them, Edward’s mind and body and soul wrapped up in the orchestra, in the tenor singing on the stage, on the notes he can see flashing in his mind like pictures. Here, Carlisle lets himself consider. 

Edward is young. More accurately he’s a young vampire, but that is not all he is. He is important to Carlisle. And Carlisle’s feelings for him are not simple in any way. Carlisle is his teacher, his mentor, his friend. But he’s so much more. Edward has begun to call him Father on occasion. He says it sounds better than Maker, or Doomer, or Damner. He feels better thinking of them as family, he says, smiling at Carlisle from his piano bench, playing a song without looking at the keys. 

“I know I will never be alone, if you are family, Carlisle. Family never goes away. Family is forever, especially if your family is immortal.” He’d smiled then, but Carlisle could feel the sting beneath the words. There was a part of Edward that blamed Carlisle; that was angered at him for changing him. A part that felt that Carlisle had stolen God and heaven from him, when he’d ended his mortal life. Edward never calls it saving; at least not at first. 

But Carlisle doesn’t feel like he’s Edward’s father. He doesn’t think of Edward as his son. Edward is his responsibility, yes, his student, definitely. He guides him, and comforts him, and teaches him right from wrong, for there are a whole new set of rules and morals to learn now, but he never feels fatherly toward him. He thinks Edward is much too beautiful for Carlisle to ever feel completely familial feelings for him. And this, Carlisle thinks, is a real shame. Things would be so much simpler if he thought of Edward as merely his son. Instead he thinks of him as so many other parts of Carlisle’s life. 

He gets too comfortable. He gets too predictable. It’s one of his worst faults. That’s where the trouble really starts. 

 

He stands in the doorway watching Edward play. This in itself is nothing new. He always watches Edward play. The music he creates is fast and intricate, and so full of emotion. Edwards concentrates so hard when he plays like this that Carlisle lets himself think, really think and consider. He wants Edward he knows. But he also is aware that he cannot ever have him. It would be taking advantage he thinks, to ask that of Edward, of one so young. Carlisle is not overly fond of change, which he thinks to himself, is terribly ironic. While he does not change, everything else around him is always in a state of permanent flux. The weather, the year, the people, the world. Fashion changes, politics change, and people age. Technology takes small stumbles and gigantic leaps forward at a sometimes alarming rate, and the only thing that stays the same is that he is Carlisle, that he has blonde hair, and pale skin, and he does not age. He does not grow old. And now there is Edward, who may appear to never age, but who Carlisle has seen change so much in the two years they have been a family. And here, when Edward is so completely distracted, it’s okay to look, to watch, to let himself think. These moments are rare and he must make the most of them. When Edwards focuses on the outside world once more he must be on guard again. 

Never think. Never picture. Never dream. He stops himself before he falls to deep. It’s too dangerous, he knows. Edward can never find out, can never KNOW. The music stops abruptly, and Carlisle’s heart would freeze in his chest if it still beat there. Edward does not turn to look at him, but there’s a tenseness of his shoulders, of his hands, still poised over the black and white keys that scream KNOWLEDGE. Carlisle forces himself to breathe a short useless breath. 

“I am sorry, Edward.” The words are spoken quietly, calmly, coldly. No emotion heightening them. Carlisle cannot bring himself to beg for forgiveness. Instead he backs slowly from the doorway and walks away. Sitting in the desk chair in his office, he bends to rest his head in his hands. And for a moment, just a moment, he wishes he could close his eyes and dream. 

He says nothing when Edward packs a bag, and does nothing when Edward leaves in the middle of the night. He sits in his chair alone in his room, alone in this too big, now too empty and too quiet house, with his head in his hands and he forces himself to breathe. It wouldn’t do to get out of the habit. He wishes he could still cry. 

Edward is gone for as many days as he’d been with Carlisle the first time around, before he comes back. Carlisle wonders briefly if Edward had planned that. One day rebelling, punishing, for every day he’d spent living Carlisle’s lie. He’s changed again. He has aged somehow, though his face remains unmarred, and he has not grown an inch. Carlisle wonders if he’s imagined it, wonders if it is the red eyes he sees looking back at him, wonders if they have thrown off his perception somehow. 

“I am sorry, Carlisle.” Edward’s voice has not changed, and Carlisle is almost shocked by its familiarity. Carlisle waits a moment to answer.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” His voice is warm, and as fatherly as he can make it. If he thinks of Edward as his prodigal son, long gone, and finally come back home, he might be able to finally live it. 

“Yes, I do.” Edwards says stepping closer. “I have many things to be sorry for. I’m sorry I invaded your privacy, if you had wanted me to know, you’d have told me.” There was a bit of bitterness in his tone, as he whirled away, as if he was angry with himself. 

“You can’t control it,” Carlisle cajoled. “Nothing was your fault.” 

“Yes it was!” Edward shouted loudly, spinning back around to face his maker. “It was all my fault. I’m sorry! I’m sorry I saw it in your mind. I’m sorry I was too scared to say something, to cowardly to stay. I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. You deserved better from me.” He paused then, and looked to the ground, his hands coming up to cover his ruby red eyes. “I’m sorry for these, for what I’ve done… become. For going against everything you’ve ever taught be about right from wrong.” He looked up at Carlisle again, stepping closer, his eyes looking directly into Carlisle’s. “Can’t you see them? Can’t you see what I’ve become? What I’ve done? I’m a monster, Carlisle!” 

“Stop it, Edward. You could never be the monster you’re accusing yourself of being.” Carlisle stepped closer to him. 

“But I am, Carlisle. I killed them. I killed them and I enjoyed doing it. I enjoyed their fear. I liked the way they struggled, the way they trembled, the way their pulses beat faster and faster, until I thought their heart might explode from their terror!” Carlisle fought the urge to flinch. 

“I know you, Edward. You are not a cold-blooded monster. That you consider yourself to be one is enough cause to discredit the mere possibility. Monsters have no conscience, Edward. They have no sympathy or regret. They take and they give nothing back…” he paused then. “Do you think me a monster?” he asked. Edward jolted away from him, looking at him in confusion and shock. 

“What do you mean?” he asked, emotions warring on his face. 

“I took you, did I not? I turned you, damned you. I transformed you for my own selfish purposes, for a companion, to sate my own loneliness. I abused the trust you placed in me. Is that not the definition of a monster?” 

“No, you saved me! You forget that I can read your mind, Carlisle,” Edward growled, fighting his own anger. “I know your feelings for me. You struggled to control them, to keep them from me. I remember your resolve to never act on them.” Was that more bitterness, Carlisle wondered. Edward paced once around the room and back again. He looked, Carlisle thought, like a caged animal. He stopped once more coming to stand before Carlisle again. “It was my fault. And I am sorry.” Edward said stepping close. 

“Stop apologizing. You cannot control your ability to read minds any more than I can control my ability to hear those two birds fighting in the tree out front. I have never for one moment been angry with you because I thought something in your presence that I shouldn’t have!” 

“But I can!” Edward shouted. Carlisle’s brow furrowed as he watched the emotions play over Edwards face. “I can, control it. Not all the time, not perfectly. I can choose not to hear, to block out voices. Yours is the most familiar and recognizable voice I have ever heard. I think it’s because we spend so much time together. It’s become second nature to keep your thoughts at bay. You’re family. You deserve your privacy; your personal thoughts are not mine to know. I block them as often as I can, as much as I can. But that day, I didn’t.” Edward whispered, his voice quiet but quick as he spoke them. “You watched me. All the time. You were always watching me, and you would sometimes get this look on your face. It was part pain, part happiness, part sadness, and part fear. Two years went by, and you still would get that look, and I always wondered what caused it. Was it my playing? Was it the songs I chose, the ones I wrote? Did you regret changing me? What made you look like that, as if you were imagining the end of the world or the existence of God, and you didn’t know which direction to turn? And so… that day I listened.” Edward explained. “I heard your thoughts, your conflict. I saw you listing pros and cons. Reasons to tell me, reasons to not. Imagining all the reactions I could have and all the ways it could go wrong. And then you had that thought... that I could never know.” He looked up at Carlisle then. “I felt like I had violated you; broken your trust. I stopped playing. I froze. And then I could hear that you knew I knew. You were revolted. You were so scared and angry. That’s why I left, Carlisle. I didn’t think you wanted me here, not anymore.”

“I will always want you here, Edward.” Carlisle said quietly, stepping up to Edward, pressing his hands to the sides of Edward’s face, keeping him from turning away. “Read my mind now. I’m giving you permission. Please, Edward.” Edward looked him in the eyes, his brow furrowing with concentration. Carlisle showed him. He showed him the meaning behind the emotions he had seen that day. The anger and revulsion that was not aimed at Edward, but at himself. The fear and worry Edward’s departure and absence and inspired in him. He showed him his loneliness and his yearning to have his friend and companion back again. His joy at Edward’s face appearing between the trees, his scent carried on the wind as he walked up to the house. His relief of having him back, of having him home once more. Edward jerked in his grip, his emotions overwhelming him. And then Edward was wrapped around Carlisle, his arms a tight band around his back, his chin digging into Carlisle’s broad shoulder. Carlisle held him close, and he breathed him in. “I’m so glad to have you back. Please don’t ever do this again.” Carlisle whispered. 

“I won’t Carlisle. I promise you. I’m sorry for making you worry, for causing you pain.” Carlisle smiled in response. 

“That’s a side-effect of being family, I’m afraid. You care for one another. And that provides the basis for worry or hurt.” Edward clutched him a little bit tighter. 

“Carlisle?” Edward paused. “I think I’m falling in love with you.” Carlisle’s hands spasmed where they lay against the worn jacket Edward wore. 

“I don’t want you to say that because of what happened.” Carlisle admonished. “You will always have a place with me. You don’t have to preten..” Carlisle was silenced by Edwards lips pressing tentatively to his own. Edward watched Carlisle’s eyes drift closed, and grew bolder. He broke the kiss turning his head to the right to see if that felt better. Their lips met again and again, and neither was willing to take the time to even pretend to breathe. 

Touching Edward was like a revelation. Carlisle had had partners who were fellow vampires before, but never one he took the time to enjoy. To relish. He wanted to touch every inch of Edward’s skin. He wanted to lick every hollow, every curve. He pressed kisses down Edward’s jaw, over his neck, along his collar bone, and down the center of his chest, opening each button of his shirt as he went. Straying up to trace a nipple with his tongue, he felt Edward take in a breath to let out a moan. Edward was stretched out under him, hands fisted in the sheets of the bed they never used as anything more than a glorified couch. His hands flexed there, and Carlisle heard the sheets tear. Smiling he looked up into Edward’s face. There was confusion there, longing and pleasure, but a tinge of fear. Carlisle froze in place, the smile slipping off his face. Edward’s eyes widened. 

“No, it’s not that!” he said quickly, and the urgency in his voice kept Carlisle from pulling away. “I’ve just…” Edward trailed off looking uncertain and suddenly Carlisle saw with perfect clarity. Edward had been only 17 when he’d changed him. And Edward had never been around any vampires but Carlisle himself. There’d never been an opportunity. Edward turned his head away, and Carlisle was sure that if blood still ran through his veins, Edwards face would be flaming red at that moment. 

“It’s okay,” Carlisle whispered pressing a kiss to the corner of Edward’s mouth. Edward must have read the sincerity in his mind, because suddenly Carlisle was on his back, Edward’s mouth on his, hands pulling at his clothing with a desperation that Carlisle had rarely experienced before or after his transformation. Carlisle thought with perfect sincerity that he could live like this forever, just the two of them together. He felt Edward’s answering smile against his mouth. 

 

Time passed. That was a fact of life, of the world. That time passed, and the world changed. Edward’s eyes faded back to gold and Carlisle moved them to another small town that needed a young doctor. Edward posed as his brother here, instead of his apprentice. Things stayed the same more than they changed. Edward and Carlisle were friends, companions, family, and on occasion more. They had only one year of peace. Then Esme happened. 

Finding a wife, a mate, was never something Carlisle had planned. It just happened, like so many other things in his life had just happened. Edward had welcomed her into their family, even as he stopped touching Carlisle. He began calling her Mother quite soon after her transformation. Carlisle had asked him once why he did so, when Edward was only a few years younger than she was. 

“She’s a natural Mother, Carlisle. It’s what she needs, someone to smother and worry over; someone to take care of. My mother may have died of the same flu you saved me from, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still miss her. And if it helps her…” he trailed off then, looking away. 

“Edward?” he questioned. Edward looked up and smiled, but there was something sad in his face that made Carlisle’s breath catch. 

“I don’t begrudge you this Carlisle. I think sometimes you forget that I can still read your mind, and hers. I’ll not tell her if that is what you are worried about.” Carlisle’s brow furrowed. Edward laughed. “Okay, I get it, you don’t have to shout. I know you aren’t ashamed of me. I get it!” His laughter eased the tightness in Carlisle’s chest. 

“I love you, Edward,” Carlisle whispered. “That is one thing that will never change.” Edward grinned at him. 

“I know that.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Carlisle’s mouth that quickly turned heated. “Since you can’t read my mind, I think it’s only fair that I tell you that I love you too. And that I’m not going anywhere. I promised you once that I wouldn’t and I keep my promises.”

“I never meant to find someone else.” Carlisle watched Edward grin. 

“I have a feeling it will all work out in the end. It was fate that you found Esme when you did, that you made the choice to change her. That she fits in our family so well. I’m not angry with you, or with her. I can’t promise you that I’m not a bit jealous, or that I won’t miss that closeness, but I do understand.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what? Falling in love with a woman as beautiful, charming, and wonderful as Esme?” Edward rolled his eyes and turned back to his piano. “I don’t know, maybe I need to find myself a girl too?” he teased, and began to play again before Carlisle could respond. 

 

PART 2

It was 10 years before he ended up spilling their secret to Esme. Edward had been going through a rough patch, becoming quiet and withdrawn with both of them. Esme, being his surrogate mother, fretted. The only reason she spoke to Carlisle about it was because Edward had gone to hunt that night, and they could speak freely, think freely, with him out of the house for a few hours. It was because of Esme, that Edward and Carlisle never hunted together anymore. Esme was not a natural fighter. She despised violence. While she could hold her own in a fight with one of their own kind, she hated the idea of hurting a human. So Edward and Carlisle took turns hunting, going out with Esme when she needed to feed, Carlisle more often than Edward, though he went with her too, on occasion. 

“Carlisle, I’m worried about Edward,” she turned to look at him in their bed. They were lying side by side, still naked, and holding onto each other. Carlisle laughed softly. 

“Are you sure we should be talking about him while in bed together. That’s a bit strange, even for our family,” he asked. Esme frowned, smacking him softly on the shoulder. 

“I’m serious Carlisle. He’s all alone, when we have each other. I’m worried about him.” Carlisle sobered, and sat up beside her in bed. 

“Edward is fine, Esme. He’s going through a bad time. But it won’t last forever. He just has to figures some things out for himself right now.” 

“I just want him to be happy, Carlisle. Sometimes I just wonder why he has to be alone. Maybe we should go up North next move, to visit your friend Tanya. You said she had some sisters. Perhaps Edward could find a mate with their clan. It would be perfect, Carlisle. Just think Edward with a wife, not alone anymore. He’s never had anyone that was his, just for him!” she pleaded. Carlisle smiled weakly. 

“Edward is complicated. His past is complicated.” Carlisle stumbled over the words, feeling guilty, and not wanting her to know why. 

“He’s never known love, Carlisle. That saddens me so much. That’s he’s never had someone. We have to do something for him,” she pleaded. Carlisle stood from the bed, and began to pace. 

“He has known love, Esme, before you came.” 

“What happened? Was she... Was she killed?” Esme asked. She looked grief stricken at the mere possibility. 

“It wasn’t a woman,” Carlisle said quietly. 

“A man?” she asked, sounding shocked but not repulsed. “Oh, my. We’ll that’s different then.” She seemed to think for a moment before looking at Carlisle knowingly. “Oh, Carlisle! You didn’t!?” she cried. Carlisle sighed. 

“It was before I met you. It hasn’t happened since,” he promised. 

“But that just makes it worse!” she yelled. “How could you do this?” she asked, smacking him again. Carlisle ducked away. 

“You can’t be mad at me for something that happened before I met you!” he countered. She scowled at him. 

“I’m not angry that you slept with Edward! I’m angry that you stopped!” Carlisle froze in place at her pronouncement, his eyes widened. “How could you do this to Edward? To yourself?” she asked. “If you love him, than be with him. Are you being this stupid on purpose?” 

“I’m not being stupid, Esme. I love Edward, and yes he loves me too. But when I made you my wife, I committed myself to you, and to only you. Edward understands that. He still cares for me. And he knows that I will forever care for him. But I don’t think I’m capable of being unfaithful. It’s not how I was raised.” Esme smiled at him, as if he were a charmingly delightful child who has said something cute to her. 

“That’s very sweet Carlisle, but I don’t think that this particular human convention really applies to us. Human lives are so short, their emotions so fleeting. We remember with perfect clarity the moment of falling in love, the first kiss, the emotion and feeling of making love. And our protective instinct for those we mate with far outweigh those of a human. We are built to love forever, which is much longer than merely ‘til death. You love Edward, today as much as you did the day before I leapt off that cliff. You will always love him exactly that much if not more. Ignoring that is not doing any of us any favors.” She smiled, pressing a hand to the side of Carlisle’s neck. “I know how to share. It’s not like either of you would be inclined to steal the other away from me. He won’t steal my husband. You won’t steal my son. If being together would make you both just a little bit happier, make Edward feel not so much alone, than I see no reason why you shouldn’t be!” she explained. 

“I think I understand what you’re saying, Esme. But this isn’t your decision. It’s mine, and Edward’s. You can’t assume he would want to still be with me..” he broke away when a chuckle caught his attention from the door way. He and Esme both turned to see Edward lounging there slouched against the door frame. “Edward?” he prompted. Edward smiled at them, looking from the man he called Maker to the woman he called Mother and back again. 

“Having a family meeting? Without me?” Edward asked. Carlisle became suddenly aware that he and Esme were both sitting completely exposed before Edward. Edward must have caught the stray thought, because his eyes zeroed in on Carlisle’s crotch in the next instant, his eyes moving swiftly back up. 

“Edward!” Esme chided, pulling a sheet up around herself. “You know better than to listen in on private conversations, even if they are about you!” She stood up from the bed, and moved to embrace Edward, the cotton of the sheets tied tightly around her, and dragging on the ground. Edward submitted to the hug, an indulgent smile spreading across his face. 

“Of course. I’m sorry, Mother.” He was released from the hug after a moment, and his smile turned shy. “You’re really not angry?” he asked Esme quietly.

“Of course not. I just hate knowing I took Carlisle away from you. It was never my intention to hurt either of you.” Her earnestness made his smile grow again, his voice losing its questioning tone in an instant. 

“You didn’t take Carlisle away from me, Esme. And of course you didn’t mean to hurt either of us. You need to know, however, that this was mine and Carlisle’s decision, not yours. And I’m not angry with Carlisle or you about what happened. It was necessary, and while I appreciate the offer, I’ll have to decline. Right now being with Carlisle would just… complicate things unnecessarily.” He smiled apologetically at both of them. “Stop worrying. Both of you. It’s perfectly natural for someone to get lonely from time to time. I’m not longing for death, or thinking of leaving or any of that nonsense, I just need some time is all.” He bent to kiss Esme’s forehead. “I love you mother, but lay off Carlisle. His idiosyncrasies are part of his charm.” She grinned up into his face. 

“If you’re sure, Edward?” she asked hesitantly. 

“I am. It wouldn’t be good for me right now.” His tone was placating, but left no room for argument. Esme nodded. 

“Of course.” She eyed Carlisle, where he still stood naked beside their bed. “It is between the two of you. I’m sorry for interfering,” she said quietly. Then she was leaving the room, sheet trailing along behind her. Edward watched her go for a moment, shaking his head at his crazy mother, with her too big heart, then stepped up close to Carlisle. When he was sure that Esme was far enough away that she would not be able to hear the quietest of whispers, he spoke to Carlisle. 

“I do miss you,” Edward said, reaching up to stroke the side of Carlisle’s face, running his hand back through his blonde hair. Carlisle stood still and let him touch. “But you’re not mine to have, we both know that. Maybe someday when you really believe that it wouldn’t cause Esme or me any pain, you’ll let it happen again, but I know that day is not today.” His voice turned sad then, but sure. “I love you, Carlisle,” he whispered ever softer. Carlisle closed his eyes, and bent to press his forehead to Edward’s, hugging him close, heedless of his own nakedness, taking a moment to breathe him in. 

“I love you, Edward,” his voice says it with conviction, but he keeps the volume low. Lifting his head he pressed a chaste kiss to Edward’s lips. After a moment he pulled away. “I miss you too,” he added, looking up into Edward’s eyes. “Thank you for being so understanding.” Edward rolled his eyes, breaking the intimacy and seriousness of the moment. 

“Hmm. My patience is not infinite you know. You’ll give in eventually,” he promised, pulling out of Carlisle’s arms. When he spoke next it was at regular volume. “Now get dressed. It’s not fair to wave that thing around in front of someone who is being celibate for the greater good of the family!” Carlisle scoffed, and went to mess up Edward’s hair, but the younger vampire danced out of his way, his reflexes much too fast for Carlisle’s good-natured revenge. 

Two weeks later, returning from a visit to a new mother across town, walking slowly and in no particular hurry to arrive back to an empty house, Carlisle stumbled upon the scent of fresh human blood in the air. Fearing for his family, who had gone out hunting together earlier in the evening, Carlisle followed the scent to its source. Rosalie Hale lay broken and bleeding in the street, her dress torn and disheveled, but her heart still beating, though a bit weakly, in her chest. Carlisle felt that same urge that had compelled him to save a dying boy lying in a hospital bed struggling to breathe, and a broken hearted woman lying crumpled at the foot to a cliff. And like he had for both Edward and Esme, he knew he only had one choice. And so their family of three became four. And for a brief time Carlisle hoped that Edward would find in Rosalie the same happiness that he had found with Esme. That hope, however, was short lived.

 

Emmet joined them a few years later, and their four became five. And Edward found himself once again the odd man out. When 15 years later Alice and Jasper joined their growing family and their five became seven, the loneliness seemed to once again flare to life. After 30 years of keeping his distance, Carlisle decided enough was enough. That Alice and Esme had been shooting him dirty looks for a few weeks hadn’t helped. So one day he asked Edward to go hunting with him, a weekend trip, far enough from the big city to catch some larger predators. Such trips had been a rarity for the two of them, always afraid to leave Esme, and later Esme and Rosalie alone without them. Rosalie was a much better fighter than Esme, but still the two worried. With the addition of Emmet, Jasper, and Alice to their family, all skilled fighters, and with Alice’s gift of foresight, those fears had greatly dissipated over the years, allowing them to relax somewhat in their vigilance. Edward had looked at him oddly for a moment, the look on his face showing his confusion, before nodding slowly and agreeing. 

They were running deep in a forest in the middle of Northern Michigan, when Edward suddenly stopped and turned to look at Carlisle. Carlisle stopped immediately and back tracked to where Edward stood waiting. They stood facing each other, neither of them out of breath, or touched by sweat, but both looking a bit windblown. Edward crossed his arms over his chest, and looked at Carlisle intently.

“What is going on, Carlisle? This is not exactly regular behavior from you. Not to say that I in anyway dislike hunting with you, or spending some time just the two of us, but, this just isn’t how we usually do things.” The confusion on Edward’s face and voice was clear for Carlisle to see and hear. 

“I wanted to speak with you without the others nearby,” Carlisle began. Edward’s look of confusion turned to concern. 

“Carlisle, what is it?” 

“We are worried about you.”

“And by ‘we’, you mean…” Edward looked at Carlisle for a moment. “Alice and Esme?” he asked. “Jesus, Carlisle!” Exasperated he turned away, a hand going up to run through his hair. Carlisle pulled him back around, pressing close, his hands coming up to cradle Edward’s face. 

“We worry because we care,” he said with total sincerity. 

“I don’t need you to worry for me. I’m fine.” He stared into Carlisle’s eyes for a moment, as if searching for something and then his face crumpled. “Is that what this is?” he asked, pulling weakly at Carlisle’s wrists. “I don’t need your pity,” Edward growled, becoming angry now. Carlisle moved his hands to Edward’s shoulders to keep him from moving away. 

“Edward, listen to me. I have NEVER pitied you. Not now, and not ever. Not even when you lay dying in that hospital bed. I have felt many things for you, but pity has never been one. Love, pride, happiness, honor, worry, fear, concern. I have felt all of these things for you since the moment I met you, but I have never felt pity. I’m in love with you Edward, and I always will be.” He relaxed his hold, confident that Edward would not pull away from him again. “I miss you. I want to comfort you, be here for you. I hate to see you like this, and I know now that everything you and Esme tried to get me to see is right. I can love you at the same time. I can be there for you without hurting either of you. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. So I’m only giving you the option, not insisting. This isn’t me being self-sacrificing. In fact it’s me being quite a bit selfish.” Carlisle smiled then, reaching up to press his hand to Edward’s face. “I want to be with you, because I love you and I miss you.” 

Edward looked at him for a long moment. “Then kiss me already, Carlisle.” Carlisle smiled, and stepping forward pressed his mouth to Edwards. Several decades of want, and longing, and love passing between them in an instant. 

 

PART 3

Carlisle had just sat down in his office for his late afternoon “lunch-break” which he usually used to catch up on paperwork, when the call came. He checked the caller id on his cell phone. Alice.

“Edward’s on his way. It’s bad. Meet him in the parking lot or you’ll have a scene on your hands. For God’s sakes, get him out of Forks, and take him hunting before you let him make any decisions.” Click. Carlisle stared at his cell phone, blinking in confusion, and then worry. That was a typical Alice phone call to be perfectly honest. Short, authoritative, and to the point. Standing from his desk, Carlisle stripped off his white coat, and grabbed his jacket. Locking his office door behind him he went to see the administrative secretary. He had a family emergency, he’d call tomorrow if he couldn’t come in for his shift. Thanks for your concern, but he had it under control. 

He spotted Edward’s car parked in the very back of the parking lot. Jogging at human speed he headed toward the deserted slab of asphalt. Edward was out of the car, pacing back and forth. 

“Edward!” he called, halting the younger vampire mid pace. Edwards stood facing away from him, his hands clenched tightly into fists. “What’s happened? Your brothers and sisters?!” his voice held a command for answers that he rarely had to use, not with Edward. Edward seemed to deflate before him, his shoulders hunching, his head hanging, his hands going limp at his sides. “Edward?” he asked, moving closer, daring to put a hand on Edward’s shoulder. Edward turned into him, and the tumult of emotions on his face, left Carlisle floored. “Let’s get out of here,” Carlisle murmured, guiding him back to the car, and claiming the driver’s seat for himself. 

Pulling out of the parking lot, Carlisle headed East away from Forks Community Hospital and toward the nearby Highway 101. They headed South, traveling for half an hour, and turning off onto smaller and smaller roads until they reached Mt. Octopus. Parking the car in a grassy stretch of meadow at the base of the mountain, he shut the car off and turned to look at Edward. Edwards still sat, fists clenched and resting on his knees, his eyes staring straight ahead out the front windshield. He wasn’t even bothering to breathe. 

“Are you going to talk to me? How can I help you if I do not know what has happened?” Edward didn’t turn to look at him. “Edward?” his voice was pleading. “You know all of the horrible things I’m imagining. Put me out of my misery here!” Edward took a deep breath. 

“I’m going to stay with the Denali’s for a while. I think it’s for the best. I’ll come back to the family when you decide it is the right time that we move again. It’s the safest thing for all of us.” He looked pained as spoke, and still refused to look at his maker. 

“Edward, when was the last time you ate?” Not getting a response, Carlisle opened his door and exited the car, then shrugged out of his jacket and threw it into his seat. Edward obediently followed him out of the car, still avoiding his eyes. “We’ll feed you first. Then we will discuss this. You aren’t making any decisions before you’ve sated your thirst, and had an actual conversation with me about this. Understand?” Carlisle ordered. Edward sighed and nodded, and a moment later had taken off into the woods surrounding them, headed up the mountain. Carlisle shook his head, and tossing his phone into the car as well, shut the car door and took off after him. 

Two deer and one very dead mountain lion later the two of them came to rest in a small stretch of bare forest halfway up the mountain. Edward’s eyes once more flared golden, but he still stayed mute standing still beside Carlisle. 

“You know that I am a patient man, Edward. I’m also very forgiving. If something has happened, I will wait for you to tell me, and if you’ve done something you fear will disappoint me, well.. there is nothing you could do short of kill one of our family, that I would not forgive you for, and knowing you as I do, even then I am sure you would have good reason. So, why do you fear talking to me?” Carlisle asked. Edward smiled. 

“Today was bad, Carlisle.” He started off slowly. “The new girl, Charlie Swans daughter, Bella, started classes today.” Carlisle remained quiet, letting Edward say what he had too. “I saw her at lunch. She was with the Newton boy and the rest of his friends. Carlisle, I couldn’t read her mind!” This peaked Carlisle’s interest and he raised a questioning eyebrow, but refrained from asking his questions aloud. “She was sitting right there, I could see her, hear her breathing, hear her heart beating in her chest, but when I searched for her mind, it was like there was nothing there. That’s never happened before!” Edward sounded angry, but Carlisle could not tell if he was angry with the girl or with his own power failing him so unexpectedly. “I’d heard about her in other people’s thoughts all day, and I have to admit my interest was the tiniest bit peaked. You cannot believe how many people were obsessing over her every word her every move all morning. Then I went to Biology Class.” Edward paused shaking his head, his nostrils flaring and his head tilting back as he continued talking. “She smelled so incredible,” he whispered. “Her scent was overwhelming. It filled the whole room. My throat burned for her, Carlisle. It was torture sitting mere inches away from her for an entire class period. She was this blank wall sitting next to me, smelling like the most delicious thing I’d ever scented. It was bad, very bad.” He looked at Carlisle then. “I almost took her Carlisle, right there in the classroom. I almost flushed 70 years of dedication and resolution down the toilet for just the chance to taste her. I had it planned out, how I’d kill her. Who I would take out first, and in what order, to have my chance. I wanted to do it. I would have, damn the consequences. I’d have slaughtered that entire classroom of children for that one girl. I’d have ruined everything to taste her,” Edward trailed off then. 

“Why didn’t you, then?” Carlisle asked, stepping close to Edward once more, pressing his hands into Edward’s tense shoulders. “I’d have forgiven you, so would the rest of the family. It wouldn’t be the first slip we’ve dealt with. What stopped you? Why is it that she and the rest of your classmates are all safely at home in their beds right now, instead of lying in a morgue at my hospital?” He looked deeply into Edward’s eyes. “What stopped you?” 

“I’m not a monster!” Edward growled. “I try so hard to be good. To be trustworthy. I couldn’t break my promises to you, to myself, to God. I couldn’t jeopardize our entire family for one taste of her. And I couldn’t kill her, or any of the others. I just couldn’t.” 

“Than I am proud of you, Edward.” Carlisle smiled at him, pulling him a step closer. “You faced the instincts inside you and you won. You controlled yourself, and you didn’t hurt anyone. But now you have to make a decision. Can you go back to Forks High School and face a daily encounter with Bella Swan, or do you need to remove yourself from the situation. Ultimately only you know the answer to this question.” Edward nodded. 

“I’ll miss you. I’ll miss everyone,” his words were spoken quietly, and there was pain in his words. 

“Are you sure, Edward?” Carlisle asked. “We can move the family, if you need us too, we can move back to Alaska, or perhaps to Canada, we haven’t been there in a while.” Edward shook his head. 

“Rosalie would never forgive me if I made her go through Sophomore year again so soon.” Carlisle chuckled in reply. 

“Your sister would learn to deal with it,” he assured the younger vampire. 

“Fine example I am for Jasper. If you find someone too delicious just go ahead and run away!” Edward jeered. 

“Jasper would understand too. You aren’t running away. You are merely sacrificing your own home and happiness to keep an innocent young girl safe, not to mention who knows how many of your other classmates.” Unable to keep his distance any longer, Carlisle pressed his mouth to Edwards. A moment later the last of the tension in Edward’s frame seemed to melt away, if only temporarily. 

Sometime later, sitting on the forest floor wrapped around each other, Edward heaved a great sigh and pulled himself out of Carlisle’s arms with true reluctance. “I should get going if I want to be anywhere near Tanya’s by morning.” Carlisle stood as well, reluctantly pulling on his suit once more. He took his time, enjoying the view as Edward slowly re-dressed. When they were done, he pulled Edward into his arms for a tight hug. 

“We are here for you. You can come home at any time, and if you need me, you have only got to call and I’ll come to you. I love you, Edward. And I am very proud of you,” he said, running a hand through Edward’s hair and down his smooth back. 

“Yes, Carlisle, I know. Give Esme my love?” Edward asked, looking into Carlisle’s eyes. Carlisle nodded, turned, and headed back to the car, forcing himself not to watch as Edward took off running in the opposite direction, a blur of movement that Carlisle didn’t doubt would steer clear of Forks as it headed due North across the border into Canada, and then West toward Tanya and her sisters. 

 

“I am beginning to understand,” Edward said quietly. Carlisle smiled at him. 

“Understand what exactly?” he asked. Edward grinned, looking down at where his boots sat abandoned on the hotel room floor. 

“Why you stopped this when you met Esme,” he said quietly, hesitantly. Carlisle slid closer to Edward, gathering him close. “Why, even though you still loved me just as much as ever before, your relationship with Esme was all encompassing. Why she was your focus. How you could deny what you felt for me for the sake of your relationship with her.” Carlisle kissed the side of Edward’s jaw. 

“No, not deny it, more like, resist the temptation of you.” Edward scoffed at his words. 

“Bella’s my temptation. Being with you is easy. It’s natural.” Edward rolled to his back, and looked up at Carlisle. “We’ve been together nearly 70 years, give or take a few decades. This is second nature. Bella’s the anomaly.” He thought a moment, reaching up to run a hand through Carlisle’s blonde hair. “I have to be so careful with her, Carlisle. She’s so small, so fragile, like spun glass in my hands. I have to have complete control over myself when I’m around her. Being with her, it takes so much concentration, so much self-control, to not break her, to not hurt her.” He smiled at Carlisle. “I think there was always a small part of me that resented you, no matter how much I tried not to, for choosing Esme over me. But I think I know now that it wasn’t a choice really. Being with you like this, it’s important, but I don’t think our relationship suffered when we weren’t being physically intimate. I longed for you. I missed you. But I knew that you would always be there, loving me as much as I love you.” Carlisle let himself lay back down beside Edward, resting his head in his palm, his elbow dug into the mattress. 

“Is this your way of asking if I mind stopping this?” he asked, one hand smoothing up Edward’s chest. Edward sighed. 

“I don’t know, Carlisle.” Edward leaned up to kiss Carlisle on the lips. “I just don’t want to lose her because of this. I don’t think she’d understand. Not right now.” 

“That’s a valid fear. As much as you love young Bella, and as self-sacrificing and loving as she may be in return, she is still human, mortal. Right now might not be the best time to tell her. I’ll, of course, understand if you need to devote all of your time, attention, and affection to the lovely and endearing Bella Swan. She deserves no less.” Carlisle smiled kissing Edward’s jaw. “I’ll still be here, if and when you wish me to be.” Carlisle’s promise was met by a big smile and a deep kiss. 

 

PART 4

Life with Bella and Renesmee (and consequently Jacob) was a hundred times better than Edward could have ever hoped for. They were a family all their own, a smaller unit of the larger Cullen clan. For a long while Edward was able to focus completely on their family, and their life together. Renesmee grew so fast, maturing so quickly, it took only a dozen years before she was fully grown. Their daughter, their miracle child, was suddenly an adult. It didn’t help that he could clearly remember every moment of her life, could read her mind still, she would always be his baby girl, the perfect mixture of all the best parts of himself and of his beautiful Bella. It was odd to look at a family portrait of the three of them. To see three teenagers staring back at him instead of two adults and a child. But that was how it would be from now on. 

When they’re ready to move on from the sleepy town they’d raised Renesmee in, to move somewhere new, werewolf in tow, Carlisle holds a family meeting. For the first time Nessie and Jacob and Bella are included in the discussion. Three new towns are chosen as possible places to move too and each member of the family is given a vote. When the vote comes up split evenly between a town near Tanya in Alaska, and a move back to Washington State, though not to Forks, Carlisle pulls Edward, and Alice out of the room to make the final decision. 

When they return the choice has been made. Alaska it is. Jacob and Nessie, who had voted for Washington wanting to be closer to the Quileute Reservation and Charlie respectively, had frowned but accepted the decision. Bella however, had stared at Edward in confusion. 

Later that night, while Renesmee and Jacob, much to Edward’s displeasure, slept in their room, Bella and Edward went hunting alone. 

Halfway through the forest, sure that no one is nearby, Bella stopped and sat down on a fallen tree. It took Edward only a moment to recognize her absence and to back track to where she sat, picking at her nails, and waiting for his return. 

“Bella, what’s wrong?” he asked. She smiled at him. 

“Nothing’s wrong. I just had a question,” Edward sat down on the log beside her, taking her hand in his. 

“You can ask me anything,” he promises. She grinned. 

“I know. But I wanted to do it private, without anyone interfering or overhearing. Edward… Why did the three of you get to make the choice today about the move? Why didn’t the family as a whole make the choice?” she asked. Edwards shrugged. 

“We were deadlocked. Carlisle’s the head of the family. He’s the oldest of all of us. Alice can see the future. She’ll tell him if one choice leads to a safer location than the other.” Bella nodded. 

“But what about you?” she asked. “Why were you included but not Jasper or Esme?” 

“Jasper is great at strategy, at defense and attack, but not so much with deciphering modern day human behavior. Esme cares more about making her children, and grandchild happy then she does about bigger issues. It’s why she voted Washington. She knows Nessie misses Charlie. I’m the oldest of Carlisle’s prodigy. He’s been making these decisions with me for almost a hundred years. Besides I think he wanted me to have more of a choice because of Nessie. We’re the only ones with a child to keep safe. Even if she looks and often acts adult, she is still only 13 years old, Bella.” Bella nodded in understanding. 

“He trusts you a lot, doesn’t he?” she asked, snuggling into Edward’s side. He pulled her closer, his arm wrapping around her, still so happy to be able to touch her without worrying he would break her. 

“Yes. I think he trusts me more than most anyone else in the world,” Edward said quietly. 

“You have been with him the longest. What was it like before he changed Esme? Was it strange the two of you being alone all the time?” she asked. Edward sighed, wondering if this was the right time to tell her. 

“Carlisle and I have a unique relationship. I’ve never really considered him my father. The only reason I even call him that at all is because we often have to play father and son. We trained ourselves to call each other that so we wouldn’t forget ourselves.” Edward pulled out of Bella’s arms. She stared up at him, watching his face for a clue of what he was getting at. “At first we pretended to be brothers or sometimes business partners. I would pretend to be his apprentice,” he smiled then. “Kind of funny isn’t it? He was trying to teach me how to survive, to cope with what I was, and we were pretending to be master and apprentice!” Bella laughed at the implication. 

“I bet things were different before Esme came along,” Bella prompted leaning forward toward him. She was amazing at that, keeping the little ticks and quirks of appearing human. Edward smiled. 

“They were. Things were different then…” she frowned worried by the tone of his voice. 

“Edward?” she asked. 

“Bella, you’re the love of my life. I’ve wanted to tell you something, something important, but I wanted to wait until the right time. I don’t want you to get upset. Or to think less of me or of Carlisle,” Edward explained. 

“You’re my husband. That’s forever, Edward. You and Carlisle are two of the best men I’ve ever known. You can tell me anything,” she stood then, stepping closer to him, reaching for his hands. Edward stepped closer. 

“Carlisle isn’t just my maker. Or my friend. Bella, he was my partner. My lover.” Edward watched Bella’s face freeze. 

“You were lovers?” she asked, disbelief coloring her voice. “How is that possible? You told me you were a virgin! That you’d never been with anyone before!” she asked starting to panic. Edward felt his breathing hitch, knew that if his heart still beat it’d be stopped dead in chest with fear. 

“I said I’d never been with a woman before,” he explained. She pulled away from him, tears coming to her eyes. 

“That’s supposed to make a difference?” she asked. 

“I never lied to you. It was never only my secret to tell! Bella, try and understand! Rosalie and Emmett, they don’t know. Tanya and her clan? None of them know a thing! I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you!” 

“Does Esme know? Oh God, Edward, does she know her husband has been cheating on her their whole time together?” she asked, turning away from him. 

“It’s not like that! Bella you have to listen to me,” Edward said stepping up closer behind her. 

“No! I don’t have to listen to anything! My husband tells me he’s got a male lover and I’m just supposed to be ok with it?” she said now crying in earnest. Edward reached for her but she spun away too quickly for him to grab her. “Don’t touch me. And don’t follow me! I need time to think.” 

“Bella you need to let me explain!” he begged. She shook her head, wiping at venom tears and taking off into the woods. “Bella!” he screamed after her, sure their entire family could hear back at the house. “Bella!” he screamed again. But Bella didn’t stop running and she didn’t come back. Edward sat down on the log Bella had so recently occupied. He sat down and he stayed there, head in his hands for what seemed like hours. In the end it was Carlisle who came. 

 

“Bella!” the scream echoed in the ears of everyone back at the house, vampire and werewolf alike. Renesmee pulled her face out of Jacob’s neck and stood up from the couch, Jacob right behind her. She was looking West, in the direction they’d heard the scream come from, as if waiting for more information. 

Alice stepped into the room, an unfocused look on her face. 

“Bella!” Edward’s voice had everyone in motion.

“No!” Alice shouted. Her voice stopped everyone in their tracks. Jasper stepped up beside her touching her shoulder in support. Her eyes cleared. She looked at the room, at the family spread out before her. “You must all listen to me. If you do not do precisely what I tell you to do there will be horrible consequences. Rosalie. Emmett. You need to run, now. Due North, for 1 hour. Stop there. Do not come any closer to home until I call you and give you the all clear. Go now!” she ordered. Rosalie and Emmett nodded, and scooping up their cell phones they sped away from the house at top speed. Alice turned to Renesmee and Jacob. “I know you want to stay here. That you want to know what is going on and how to help. The only thing I can say is that you must trust me. And trust your parents. Jacob,” she said turning toward him, “take her East. Do not stop until you’ve crossed the state line. Do you understand?” she asked. Jacob frowned nodding. He opened his mouth to make a smart comeback but stopped at the tightening of Alice’s mouth. He sighed. “Do not come back until I call you!” 

“Come on, Nessie… We should go,” he said pulling his t-shirt off and handing it to her. She folded the cloth in her hands quickly, and looked at Alice. An image of a broken crystal heart flashed in Alice’s mind. Alice nodded. 

“Trust,” was Alice’s one word reply. Jacob stepped outside, stripping off his clothing and handing them to Nessie. Together they took off into the woods, heading due East as instructed. Alice turned to the rest of the remaining family. Carlisle stepped up beside Esme, butting his arm around her. Jasper remained standing just behind Alice, offering silent support. “She’s found out. Edward told her,” she whispered. She looked at Carlisle. “I don’t think you should be here when she arrives. Let Esme and I deal with her! I’ll call for you when it’s best for you to return.” Carlisle looked pained, but nodded and kissing Esme on the lips, headed out the backdoor at top speed, headed South, with the intent of bypassing Bella and swooping around to Edward. 

Alice and Esme shared a look, nodding at each other. 

“You want me to leave, Darlin’?” Jasper asked. Alice shook her head, reaching for Jasper’s hand. She pulled him close against her side. 

“No,” she said quietly, mindful of how close Bella was getting. “We may need you.” 

 

Carlisle ran as fast as he could. Taking the long way it seemed to take forever to get there. When he finally got to Edward the younger man was staring at the blades of grass moving in the breeze where they grew between his feet. He sat completely unmoving not even taking the time or effort to breathe. Carlisle let out a little sigh, and received no reaction. Carlisle, knowing there was nothing he could say to fix this, sat down beside Edward, put his arm around the other man’s waist, and sat silently waiting for a reaction of some kind. Edward responded by slowly leaning over to rest against him, his head resting on Carlisle’s shoulder, his eyes blinking closed in grief. 

 

Bella stormed into the house, but froze at the sight that greeted her. Alice and Esme stood in the middle of the living room, Jasper standing just behind. All wore serious expressions on their faces. 

“You’re not going to talk me out of being angry,” she said quietly. 

“What about talking you out of being an enormous horse’s ass?” Alice asked. Bella’s jaw dropped. 

“Bella, you’ve been wondering for a long time when the axe would fall. When you would find everything crumbling down around you. You’ve been looking for so long and so hard, that you’re jumping at the first hiccup,” Esme explained. “You’re shocked. That’s understandable. But did you listen to Edward? Did you let him explain? He’s your husband. He deserves at least that much.” Bella’s face fell at Esme’s words. 

“You know?” she asked. Esme nodded, reaching out a hand to the younger woman. Bella went to her easily, letting Esme hug her close. 

“Yes. I know. The relationship between Carlisle and Edward is deep and lasting. Even when they spend decades ignoring the passion burning between them, pretending it isn’t there, they both still feel it. Are you angry on my behalf, at least in part?” Esme asked. 

“It feels like a betrayal,” Bella confessed. 

“And if I told you that the night Carlisle changed me, he gave up Edward for me? That Edward spent decades alone because Carlisle refused to hurt me? That it took the combined efforts of myself and Alice to make the two of them see reason? Does that make a difference?” Esme asked. 

“My husband is in love with another person. How is that ok?” Bella replied. 

“Oh, Bella. You’re thinking like a human again,” Alice chided. Bella turned to look at her. “Think, Bella! Edward loves you. He chose you. He and Carlisle haven’t been together since shortly after you met Edward. As soon as he started to fall in love with you, he knew you wouldn’t understand. They gave each other up for your happiness.” Bella moved away, her hands combing through her hair in agitation. Alice nodded at Jasper, and Bella calmed under his influence. 

“That’s not fair, Jasper,” she murmured turning to look at them. Jasper smiled sadly at her. 

“You need to be calm so you can think this through. If you’re so angry you can’t see straight you won’t be able to make wise decisions,” he explained. 

“What am I supposed to do with this? Just give my husband the ok to sleep with my father-in-law?” she asked. 

“Bella,” Alice warned. “Edward wanted you to understand why Carlisle trusts him the way that he does. You asked a question. He was merely trying to explain the answer. You didn’t let him finish. He wasn’t asking for your permission. When he married you he thought he and Carlisle would be over forever. He couldn’t imagine hurting you like that. Not ever.” Bella looked away from them, her mind in turmoil. 

“I owe him an apology,” Bella said quietly. 

“Yes, you do,” Esme said, stepping closer again. “But you need to think this through. You need to understand exactly what his relationship with Carlisle is and how it does and does not affect Edward’s relationship with you.”

 

It’s a long time before they heard Jasper calling for them. When they finally did Edward slowly pulled himself to his feet, body weary in a way he’d thought was impossible for a vampire. Carlisle stood up beside him, keeping close continuous contact. 

“I’ve lost her,” Edward said, even as they start the walk back toward the house. 

“You mustn’t think that way, Edward. It was a shock. But she’ll get over it. We’d never continue things behind her back. Once she comes to understand that this will all blow over. The woman gave up her life as a human to spend eternity with you. I’d hardly cause a past relationship a valid reason to rip apart your family or end your marriage. This is Bella we’re talking about,” Carlisle said. He tightened his arm around Edward’s shoulders, giving him a hug of reassurance. “We’ll fix this.”

“What if she can’t live with it? What if she makes me choose between her and Renesmee or staying here with you and the family?” Edward asked. He stopped walking, and turned to face Carlisle. 

Carlisle offered him a sad half-broken smile. 

“Then you’ll choose her, as you should, and maybe a few years from now, she’ll understand the cost of that choice, and she’ll be able to let it go. You know how time can give things a certain perspective. It won’t change anything between us. You know that by now, don’t you?” Carlisle asked. Edward nodded. 

“After everything we’ve been through? Yes. I know that quite well, Carlisle.” 

“Good. Then let’s go talk to your wife.” Carlisle fits his hand to the back of Edward’s neck, giving it a firm squeeze, before stepping back and breaking all contact. “They’re waiting.”

 

When Bella saw Edward’s face in the doorway she started to cry again. Only this time her tears aren’t from anger, but from relief and regret, and worry. 

“I’m sorry. I should have let you explain. You just took me off guard. I’m so sorry, Edward!” she said, pressing her forehead into his shoulder, and clutching him tightly to her. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Bella. That’s never been what I wanted. You have to know that. You’re my wife. That means everything,” he replied, his fingers carding through her dark hair. Bella nodded. 

“I know. I was shocked. I jumped to conclusions. That doesn’t excuse what I did though. We made promises Edward. Vows. I know you’d never break them.” She turned to look at Carlisle, her face crumpling again. “Carlisle?” Carlisle stepped forward and hugged her warmly. 

“It’s alright Bella. We should have told you sooner. We just wanted you to see how we function as a family, so you would understand better. I’m sorry Edward shocked you so badly.” He pulled back then and met her eyes. “Your marriage is your own. I would never interfere with that. Just as Edward has never interfered with my marriage to Esme. I love him. And he loves me. But you knew that already. This is just a deeper level of love than you thought was there before.” Bella nodded. 

“I can’t say I’m ok with…” she paused. “Sharing him with you. But I can accept that there used to be something more physical between you. Maybe in time I can see things the way Esme does. But I can’t promise that, Carlisle.” She turned to Edward. “I’m sorry, Edward. I just can’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Can you live with that?” Edward stepped closer, and slid his arm around her shoulders. 

“Of course I can. When Carlisle married Esme we both thought it would be over forever. We both accepted that. When things changed we knew it was only because Esme, in a way, allowed it too. She encouraged it really. When I met you, and realized how I felt for you, I ended things with Carlisle again. And when I married you, I accepted that it would likely be for good this time. I never intended to ask for you to allow my relationship with Carlisle to continue. I have no right to ask that of you.” She nodded. “However, Bella you do need to understand something about our kind. We don’t forget. We can put things behind us. We can move on. Yet our memories are too clear, too detailed to ever forget. I will always love Carlisle. That will never go away. You have to be willing to accept that.” Bella stared at him, studying him for several seconds before she nodded again. 

“I do. I do accept that.” Edward smiled at her. 

“Then nothing really has to change. All the vows and promises I made to you still stand. I add another now. I swear to you Bella, that I will never go behind your back with anyone, no matter my feelings for them. Never.” Edward said solemnly. Bella nodded, reaching for Edward’s hand. 

“Let’s go home?” she asked. Edwards smiled and walked with her to the door, looking back once over his shoulder t quickly meet Carlisle’s eyes. Then he was gone, running across the side yard toward the cottage he shared with Bella. 

Carlisle felt his shoulders slump, Esme’s arm sliding around his waist in comfort. She pressed against him, soft hair, pressing into the side of his face, as she pulled him close. 

“Carlisle, you know Edward and you know Bella. It’s only a matter of time,” Esme said quietly, voice soothing and reassuring. Carlisle forced a smile, turning to look down at her. 

“Either way, we aren’t losing them. That’s the important thing. The only important thing really,” he replied. Alice hummed happily, letting Jasper’s arms slide around her stomach from behind. He picked her up, spinning her around in reciprocal happiness, a smile stretching across his face. 

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Carlisle. Things are looking up for Cullen family. In more ways than one,” she said with a grin, turning in Jasper’s arms and hopping up to wrap her arms around her waist. “I would recommend you guys let the rest of the family in on your relationship sooner rather than later. Otherwise things could get very awkward very fast…” she sing-songed even as Jasper started to carry her away. Carlisle’s jaw dropped as he replayed the words Alice had said. 

Esme’s surprised and delighted laughter rang throughout the house. 

The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Does not mesh with the Timeline found on the Twilight Lexicon – Their site was down when I started writing. So I made up my own timeline for the events of Edward’s early life after the change, and when they met Esme and later Rosalie. 
> 
> Started: Oct 21, 2008  
> Finished: February 8, 2013
> 
> First and last Twilight fic I will ever write. Thank you and goodnight.


End file.
